Two Ways to Live (in love)

As a teenager, I wanted to create a board game called "Either/or" or something like that, in which players were confronted with a decision that they had to pick a side on... such as: 
Do you drive the frontage road, or the highway?
Chocolate milk or plain?
Do you brush your teeth up and down or in circles? 

Somewhere I have a list of at least 50 more creative things I thought of over the years. This was a mental exercise that would help pull me from the very non-binary world that we live in and focus on the simple things. Do you prefer Sweet or Savory breakfasts? Are you a morning person or a night person? I never quite sorted out the game-part...how players move across the board or whatever, so patent is pending. 

As I've grown up, I've become increasingly aware of my science-centric mind, yet as a collector of data, I see the evidence in astrology. All that is to say, that as a Pisces sign, I often experience two polar-opposite things pulling me in different directions. That has ultimate been the theme of my life for the last 6-8 months, if not the last 5-10 years... and I am SO incredibly grateful for the patient friends who have helped me find a course despite the pulling. 

Two fish swimming in opposite directions-- a metaphor for my life. 

I was thinking about binaries on my 2 hour drive to my boyfriend's house this morning. My previous partner lived 6 hours away, so I suppose this is progress (even if we lived together for the last two years).  Do you move in with your partner immediately and try to work things out, or live separately until the ultimate commitment? I have always been in the latter category, but for the next few months I get to practice the former. 

Do you write letters, allowing time to wander between thoughts sent and thoughts received? Or reach out with the increasing-ease of immediacy that technology affords? I miss writing out letters of Thank yous. 

Thinking about the binary situations of the way I live now, contrasted with the way I lived when I moved to ABQ, I wondered: What's changed? My partner, partly. Another quality of Pisces is leading with our heart, and being sort of a maleable spirit, and I have seen that exemplified in my life through my last four partners (It's been a wild 5 years...). And also, my job. I remember thinking a lot before I took this full-time position about how it would change the slow-pace of my life. The blog I wrote about how everyone should work part time would become hypocritical, and instead I would spend the next three + years working time and a half or so, for a cause I believe in through every fiber of my being.  

Through the last five years with four different partners and one very complicated job; I have learned the two ways* to live (and love; in love?)...

1) As a planner: 

a)I spent a lot of this life thinking about the future. I wasn't often satisfied with a meal, for I was thinking about my next one. I asked the universe for things, and it responded. I was constantly planning my next hour, day, 10 years. And this helped me get a sense for my current trajectory and how to track success on every step of my journey. 

b)Perhaps more a consequence of my transient lifestyle than my partner(s) at the time, I also had a lot more free time to put into writing letters, being intentional with my words, making food from scratch, and traveling with a flexible itinerary (and 3-6 plans for how that itinerary COULD go).

2) In the moment: 

a)I've been learning this one in the last few years. While I don't think I connect with it as much deep down, I can appreciate the beauty that comes with living in the moment. Why plan the future, if there's a chance it's going to change, is my current partner's mentality. So we wing a lot. We find ourselves in unique unplanned situations that often are pretty cool, but sometimes are less fun than waiting at a dentists office. We definitely have good stories that come from unexpected last-minute decisions. For example, we've been talking about purchasing a bed together for a while. I imagined we'd go to three different mattress stores, lay on 100 different mattresses and argue about the necessary hardness to get a night's sleep... but instead we drove a European-sized Wal-Mart at 9:30pm and gazed at different varieties of inflatable mattresses and toppers before settling on a queen-sized-green-tea-scented foam thing in a 2'x4' box. Through this life, I laugh a lot. Instead of having expectations, I embrace the daily surprises. 

b)Then, as a result of my latest lifestyle, I'm living a bit more frantically. I rejuvenate quickly from a shower or a cup of coffee, then go back into checking off tasks, an ever-growing list that will never be satisfied. Food is less-interesting, and more quickly fulfilling. I live for the deep breaths looking at the clouds, or the rare event that I get to listen to a whole song with nothing else on my mind but the beats of the music. I soak in the sporadic successes of hours of sweating, speaking and scheduling. 

I'm really grateful my my mutability, though it's really a pain in the ass sometimes (there go those fish again). I'm thankful that I have immersed myself into different lifestyles and challenged myself to embrace new behaviors.... for now I have enough data to know that I'd like to settle into 1b, with a dose of 2a. In the very-real transition into my 30's, I'm appreciative of all the chances I took and experiences I had in my 20's. Now I know what I which way I want to live. 

Which way do you live? How would you characterize your life?

Frugal Living

Speaking of Money, which I did in my last blog… I’ve been living in a real house, and buying groceries for the first time in my life for the last two months. It’s been a strange shift to “adulthood”—a term I use really loosely when regarding myself—but I have been able to maintain a conscious despite the fact that room and board is no longer provided as a work stipend.
A few things that help me live cheaper, and usually more sustainably.
1)      Kids lose shit.  I have not had to purchase sunscreen, ball caps, pens(!) or reusable water bottles in YEARS. I guess this isn’t something that’s replicable for all my readers…but having a finders keepers mentality has saved me some money, and gotten me some cool shit. For example, I would Never spend the money on a glow in the dark Nalgene, some non-comedogenic sunscreen, or a big roller gel pen…but now I have all those things.
2)      Businesses gotta stock up. Proud to say I have Never purchased toilet paper. Hmm, maybe that one time I lived on my own in college one summer.  But certainly for the last several years of working residential jobs, and even now of working in a park—the Man pays for my toilet paper, and I’m sadly proud of that. I also use no more than 6 squares (if it’s necessary) at a time, but average out around 4. We’re pretty frugal TP users. And I’m sorry if that’s TMI, but I challenge you to use 6 squares of something that’s not 4ply Charmin! J
3)      DIY toiletries. The other day I was thinking about how much money I would spend on shampoo (if I had more hair), toothpaste, and deodorant if I didn’t make it myself. Simple household kitchen items go a long way in all these products without using plastic containers, aluminum and sulfites, or requiring transportation costs. Win.
4)      On Sale + coupons +discounts. These last two months have been only 2 of the 6 months or so in my LIFE that I have had to purchase my own groceries…and I’ve been having so much fun. When we first got here, we went a little crazy. We successfully avoided all the bagged snack items, but we bought a ton of pantry stockers (which is necessary in a new home). Fortunately, the local co-op (which is AMAZING) was having a bulk-food-discount month, and we saved $50!! The next few weeks we spent an astonishing amount on groceries, and I was tempted to call my mom and ask how she spent the same amount on 5 people that we do with the two of us…but now we have figured it out. I have a chart of how much things typically cost at the lovely local co-op and the larger, big box store, Sprouts. Unfortunately, most things are cheaper at Sprouts, but not everything! We can save quite a bit by knowing what to buy where, and since they’re across the street from each other, we don’t spend a lot on gas by store-hopping. We have also adopted a new method of only buying things on sale. Instead of planning menus with recipes we have, we take advantage of the discount bags (we just got 8 lil’ peppers for $1!) and get creative in the kitchen, making a big batch of something to eat on throughout the week. For a while I was taking advantage of volunteer opportunities around town that are sponsored by the co-op to meet some locals and earn a 18% discount for every hour I volunteered. But now that Amil WORKS at the co-op, we both get perpetual discount cards. Yipee!
5)      Bike/Commute I’ll admit, we’re not great at this yet, but we’re trying. We bought some roller blades, and a bike. We live just over a mile from our main “office,” and less than a mile from the Co-op that Amil will be working at. We try to consolidate trips, but ironically, I do the most driving for meetings with the environmental groups I’m a part of.  There’s a store we both need things from, and have for over 2 weeks, but we haven’t gone yet because it’s “out of the way.” :) I like that. I also LOVE my bike ride to work and back. It’s warm and the wisteria are blooming and …I’m just falling in love with Albuquerque.
So, I’m sure there’s other things we’re not really aware of to ‘live frugally’ but those are some of the more fun ones I’ve thought of recently. One thing I’m super anal about (probably unnecessarily so) is using the oven. I always want to make sure we have 2 or 3 things to put in the oven so it’s “worth it”. I’m not sure if this is actually efficient, but tonight, for example, I’m bringing my black-bean brownie mix to a friend’s house to use her oven while she’s baking. Silly? Maybe that should be something I examine in my trade-offs website which will hopefully launch soon.